The Robot Uprising: You Can't Run
By on March 06, 2012
It has been spoken of for decades. The same bright spots in our mind that give life to creativity and ingenuity also harbor the darkest recesses of our imagination. We are an innovative lot with aspirations to construct the future exponentially through the use of steel, crafted in our image, but that which has been designed to build will also destroy. They carry the dreams of our future but also hold its fate. I am, of course, speaking of the impending robot apocalypse. O_O
Sorry. That was a bit bleak, but I had to set the tone for a series of blog posts that will be outlining just how close we actually are to a robotic doomsday. Oh yeah, it's happening, man. Look around you. Movies like Terminator 2, The Matrix and Short Circuit are only foreshadowing the inevitable truth! Today I will be highlighting a couple of newly announced robots that will make our meager attempts to run and hide completely useless. Remember it's only science fiction until it becomes science fact... also know yourself and your enemy and you are sure to win. I can't think of any other relevant quotes so let me cut to the chase... literally.
Oh I see... You think you can escape. Maybe hide in a small cupboard or climb a tree or something. That's pretty cute. You think you're pretty nimble too, eh? You're pretty good at parkour and navigating urban terrain with relative ease? Adorable. Please allow me to introduce you to the tiny shatterer of escape fantasies, the autonomous quad-rotor flying mini-robot. This little bugger can zoom around in 3 dimensional space with relative ease, sense other robots like itself, and form coordinated flight patterns. They're trying to sell this as a search and rescue aide but we all know the truth. Basically what I'm trying to say is that not only can it fit into small spaces, it can fly and coordinate its attacks with others like itself. That's when the attack comes, not from the front, but from the sides from the two other raptors you didn't even know where there... wait, wrong movie. Still applicable though.
Here is a panel from a recent TED talk in which the mad scientist creative mind behind these feisty little bots, Dr. Wily Vijay Kumar, explains their versatility and potential applications... oh yeah then he shows you how they PLAY THE JAMES BOND THEME. Oh, how openly they mock us.
I see. You're planning on packing a tennis racket and swatting the quads like flies. That's a solid strategy until you realize that they were just scouts. That's right, now that you've been spotted. The alarms are sounding in the distance and a faint howl can be heard... The hounds have been released. You've been sniffed out and flushed into the open when suddenly, barreling towards you at a blinding 18mph, comes the "Cheetah"! DARPA's latest robot designed with the specific intent to ruin any chance of me having a good night's sleep anywhere in the foreseeable future.
The "Cheetah" is being pawned off as a robot deigned for explosive ordinance removal, and military assistance but I know what's really going on. Human huntin'. The "Cheetah" can gracefully gallop along at a speed of 18pmh which has broken the previous land speed of any robot, previously set in 1989, at 13mph. Check out it's haunting dance here:
I know how it must seem. The future looks bleak but rest assured knowing that if we band together we can win this war. Why, look at Google Lunar X PRIZE, for example. We've got 26 teams building robots for the sake of aiding mankind! Teams like Jurban that plan on making a snake like robot that can break apart into multiple snakes then reassemble, or team Moon Express who plan on building a lander that has "hoppers" which leap from its back and explore the moon! Wait a sec...
Landers with "hoppers"? More like Spiders with baby spiders on it's back!
Nevermind. We're doomed.
I'll let you digest all of that for now, but I'll be back with more updates on the end of the world and how to stay safe by preparing yourself for things to come. Stay tuned. Stay Strong. Join the resistance.